On Bon Iver
You know how when you go listen to someone talk there’s that person that goes up before them to introduce them? Most of the times it’s pretty boring: they did this and they won all these awards and here they are. But every now and then the introducer really loves whoever they are introducing. The best example I’ve ever come across is this introduction by Brian Moriarty for Ray Bradbury.
Later on in my speech this afternoon, I’ll be asking you to think of the one person who has most influenced you in your life. The person who has touched you with his creative output, made you laugh or cry, or made you think. I want you to know that I will be thinking of the man I’m about to meet for the first time. A man who taught me a great lesson: That beauty is everywhere, and cynicism is cowardly. Please join me in welcoming one of America’s treasures, Ray Bradbury.
If I do this exercise my answer is probably Justin Vernon of Bon Iver fame. In a lot of ways it doesn’t make sense. I’m not a musician, I don’t know much about music except what I like and I’ve always connected more deeply with other art forms. And, yet, Justin’s music has accompanied, comforted, and inspired me through so much of my life.
Because this is about music, it makes sense to share a playlist. Here’s a set a songs. I’ll mark each section with a song so you can pause and listen alongside if you’d like
(Lump Sum)
I don’t even remember how I first heard of the band. My first memories are of listening to For Emma, Forever Ago on walks during Christmas break from school. I’d bundle up and walk through the snow for an hour or two with the album on repeat.
It’s a winter album. The myth is that Justin had gone through a breakup, both in his personal life and band. He left North Carolina and came home to Wisconsin, got setup in a hunting cabin and wrote the album. It’s one of those down-on-your-luck, suffering artist stories that gives the music added weight and makes it easy to cheer for the band.
At this point it was just music that I liked. I resonated with it. I was not happy at school, wished I could’ve studies somewhere else and never made an effort to really be present. It was cold, both emotionally and outside. The music fit me.
(Holocene)
I was still in school when the self title album came out. There’s always a question with a sophomore album. Will the musician release more of the same? Or will they evolve? Bon Iver has a different feel than For Emma, Forever Ago. It’s a spring album. Gone is much of the sorrow. It’s still somber and introspective, but there’s more layers. It can feel hopeful, like something’s blooming.
It also felt like when the band really blew up. Vernon won Grammys and began headlining at festivals. It’s when I started paying more attention to interviews and things he wrote. I remember some blog post or something he wrote with terrible (I mean, terrible) grammar, but it was very earnest about the purpose of art and the meaning it provides to our lives. He sounds like someone who loves music and isn’t pretentious about it. He’s been consistent in that and it helps me trust where his music is coming from. This is from his Grammy acceptance speech:
It’s really hard to accept this award. There’s so much talent out here on the stage and there is a lot of talent that’s not here tonight. It’s also hard to accept because when I started to make songs, I did it for the inherent reward of making songs so I’m a little bit uncomfortable up here. With that discomfort, I do have a sense of gratitude. I want to say thank you to all the nominees and all the non-nominees that have never been here and never will be here.
It’s weird and made some waves in the press because it’s not how you’re supposed to accept an award, but I found it enduring. It only increased my fandom. I was ready to follow whatever he did.
(Comrade)
It would be awhile before another Bon Iver album came out. At some point I was curious if something might be on the way and poked around and learned Justin was making music on some other projects. The active one at the time was Volcano Choir. In contrast to Bon Iver, it felt more experimental, but still had much of the same emotional heft.
The first time I bought tickets to see Justin perform was with Volcano Choir in Minneapolis. I had graduated and was working a few hours away in the early stages of what would become burnout. I needed a vacation. So, I booked everything for the concert. And, then, I didn’t end up go. I probably drove 3 of the 3.5 hrs there before stopping at a park next to a lake to rest for a moment and decided to drive back. I was too anxious. Minneapolis felt like a big city to me at the time and I didn’t know how to navigate it. It’s funny looking back on now because I have grown, but that’s where I was at the time: a small city kid wondering how to exist in the world.
I still wanted to see Justin live though and, so, bought tickets when Justin helped organize a music festival where he’s from, Eaux Claires. It was a project that captures a lot of Justin’s ethos that I admire: a local vibe— caring about where he’s from— and bringing together friends around a love for the craft of music. It would’ve been a chance to see not just Bon Iver but a lot of my other favorite artists as well.
To this too, I did not go. I still hadn’t even been to a concert yet (Midwest emo doesn’t count) and was intimidated by going to a whole festival alone in a place I did not know. I also got a job in California and decided to drive over right away instead of postponing the week it’d take for me to go to the festival. Oh well. We all have regrets.
The next song I remember hearing from Bon Iver was Heavenly Father. It’s a weird song. The first time I heard it I didn’t like it. It was too strange. But I trusted Justin and, so, kept it on repeat. Eventually that weird vocal loop kinda fades away, like some hum of the universe, and I loved the song. It’s been one I come back to again and again. I wanted to find all the deep cuts.
(Ring Out and Blood Bank)
I remember listening to a lot of Justin’s early work when I was trying to change jobs in California. Ring Out in particular I like— honestly in part because a lyric kinda sounds like ‘somewhere deep inside Dakota, I am weathering’ and I felt that. There’s something in the way he references the body that reminds me of Blood Bank. They feel like similar songs, though Blood Bank is superior. It helped me see how his songwriting had evolved and gotten better. As someone with creative ambition, it was inspiring to recognize that he didn’t begin fully realized. It was a little glimpse into all the work it takes to ‘arrive’ and made me appreciate the music all the more.
(33 “GOD”)
It wasn’t too long after I got a new job and moved around the Bay Area until there was news of a new Bon Iver album. I was excited. The first song to drop was 33 “GOD”. It felt experimental, even more so than Heavenly Father or Volcano Choir and much more than the self-titled album from five years before. And each subsequent song felt even more experimental. There were strange samples and rhythms everywhere.
It’s funny how ‘normal’ it feels listening now because it felt so out there at the time. I still trusted Justin and wanted to understand and, so, I kept the songs on repeat until I got it. I respect the willingness to experiment and evolve. It’s a thread you can see throughout all of his music, but feels most obvious in the jump to 22, A Million. It makes me trust him when he speaks about his love for the process of music and value of Art in our lives.
If you read interviews from this time, you’ll learn that part of why it took so long to come back to the Bon Iver project was because he was struggling with his mental health after gaining so much frame from his music. Some of the songs are about that— anxiety attacks, trying and failing to get away from everything.
It was also then that I bought tickets to see Justin perform for the third time. One of the first concerts he did after the album released was at the Fox Theater in Oakland. And this time, I actually did go. I had grown enough— gotten more comfortable being in cities and was ready. I came early and stood about three people back from center stage, enraptured.
(Friends)
Francis and the Lights opened the show and I was familiar with him because I was also checking out all the artists Justin would collaborate with. It felt special when they played Friends together. I love this music video because you can see how good at dancing Francis is and, also, that Justin is willing to be there and try.
Bon Iver played just about the whole new album and mixed in a handful of tracks from the past. The encore was Skinny Love, which was perfect— singing along with strangers to a song I had loved for almost a decade. There are times after finishing a TV show or movie or seeing something inspiring when I’ve put Skinny Love on repeat to just sit with that inspiration and energy. Kinda corny, I know I know. But it’s meant a lot to me.
The concert was a spiritual experience. I left in awe. I can’t imagine having a better time if I went to one of the other concerts. I don’t think I’ll ever have a concert experience mean as much to me.
And that was probably the peak of this story for me. I started writing this cuz I want to practice writing prose and I’m recognizing that, maybe, I could’ve done a better job emphasizing the ways I had to grow to be able to even go to this concert. How much I struggled after moving to California at first, how I still didn’t really know many people in the area when I went, and didn’t know how to change that. And the music was always there. I had a lot of growing to do then, still do today.
(Faith)
Of course my fandom continued on. I was excited when the next album, i,i came out and enjoyed it. It can feel similar to 22, A Million, but the tone is different. Gone is much of frantic anxious energy and in its place is a larger crew, collaborations everywhere. It makes the music feel larger and more playful, closer to friends having a party making music.
The tour for this album also felt larger. It was an arena tour and they were one of the first acts to perform at the Chase Center in SF. I was looking forward to going: here I can see what the arena is like and also get to experience the band. And it was ok. Just ok. The arena was so new it didn’t feel like it had any soul, still needed to be inhabited for longer. I didn’t think about this, but part of the allure of large spaces is knowing they have history. The crowd was large, but also somewhat soulless. The music good and the lights too. But it was nothing like my experience at Fox Theater.
Sharon Von Etton was the opening act, though, and she killed it. Was a rockstar.
There was a part of me that wondered if my fandom was over. Maybe, after all this time, we had ended up in different places. I wasn’t sad about this possibility. I’d accept it the same Justin always seems to accept where he is when making music. But since then I’ve continued to connect with more songs in the discography, watch concerts on YouTube, and listen to music Justin recommends or collabs on. So, it’s probably not. I’m probably here until he stops making music.
That, more or less, carries you through Bon Iver’s history, but there’s still a lot of songs that I like and that have carried me— and continue to carry me— for a season. I’d like to close by running through them.
Love More might be my favorite song. It’s a Sharon Von Etton cover, but the way it rises up from nothing to build up so much emotion and harmonies is powerful. For a long time I was going to a church whose messages I didn’t resonate with. I’d come home and put this song on repeat and stare at my walls until I could find a way to love the world again.
When I was leaving my job, I had re: Stacks on repeat. There’s something in the release that I find so, so calming. It put me at peace and helped me to accept the necessary step of leaving even if I didn’t know what was next. (PS: this live performance is so, so good)
I have a theory that there are no sad songs because you can’t be creative when you’re truly sad. You have to have hope somewhere or in something and that’s feeling I get here. It’s from sadness, but it has hope.
Maybe the best example of this is this cover thing. It’s pretty sad, but I think there’s hope in it.
(Dionne)
I had a depression phase during the COVID pandemic and it was fueled almost entirely by The Japanese House, which I found because of this collab. There’s something in the listlessness in how she makes songs that captured how I felt— maybe shaped how I felt. They’ve also got a cover of Landslide which I think is one of the greatest songs ever (shoutout Fleetwood Mac).
(Marigolden and Deep Water, Strange Wind)
There were also songs that Justin recommended or vouched for on some social media that I found really healing. These two songs fit in that category for me. If you follow his recommendations, you’ll also see he’s all over the place with his music, like he’s collabed a lot with Swamp Dogg who I would like to bring into your life.
(Calgary)
Recently, I feel like I’ve sort of graduated to the spring vibe of the self-title album and the song I’ve been coming back to the most is Calgary. The last lines of the song have always hit me, have maybe always been my favorite part of that album and it’s been nice to return to.
I should also mention that part of Bon Iver’s live component is that the songs evolve too. There’s a lot of people who really like this a cappella version of Heavenly Father and there was an updated version of Calgary too. I’ve probably listened to a lot (like, a lot) of the live performances you can find on YouTube. They’re pretty good. This one is one of my favorites right now. This is one of the first ones I loved. Justin is on the advisory board of Pioneer Works and if you’ve never looked at, it’s a super cool space
(Phoenix)
I also want to briefly mention another side project Justin's a part of that I’ve listened to a fair amount, Big Red Machine. They recently released a new album and my favorite song from it is Pheonix. There’s a related project that Justin has worked on called 37d03d or People or something like that. I never really got into it, but I think you can, again, see how Justin thinks about music. It’s an artist-run collective of musicians who’ve put on some experimental music.
I don’t have a nice way to tie this all up. So, keep it restaurant.