On being legible

I’d really like to find a way to express who I am and what I’m doing. I’ve tried. I haven’t made much headway though. Like Sisyphus, we try again…

Part of why I think it’s difficult is philosophical: the concept of anattā, the buddhist idea of non-self. Everything is changing, always. We are a bundle of change. Attempting to be one thing, when we are many— maybe no thing— is sort of futile. If I’m going to be open to changing and being pulled in new directions like I really want to be, can I really be a coherent person?

Probably none of us are coherent. I come across people’s work who have clear statements about it and it’s nice, but it’s not a real reflection of them as people. That we change doesn’t stop the usefulness of describing our work or what we’re doing right now. I like author bios the most, they lay down a few facts about what they’ve done and call it good. It doesn’t help you understand who they are though.

I’ve heard people with personal brands get to a point where they don’t really like them. The entire idea of a personal brand is pretty gross. But we’re in a world that tells us to ‘do what you love’ which makes it feel like it’s possible to bring your personal interests into the professional.

I’m wondering if it might be better to create schisms between selves to allow these different aspects to flourish. This attempt at being legible can be about presenting one aspect. Which interests play into work and which stay separate? I don’t know. Maybe it’s hard because I am only beginning, like putting the cart before the horse.

It’d be nice if I could come up with something. Part of the reason is to better understand how I fit into communities. Whenever you say something, it exists in relation to other things that have been said. Anything I come up with is understood within the context of related communities. It kinda seems important to figure out which communities I’m trying to be a part of and where they currently are.

Part of me wishes I could find ‘one’ community that captures all of my interests and aims and goals, but I suppose I’m more of a fox than a hedgehog. How do you synthesize disparate interests? I really don’t know. Where do you even start? With the skills and forms you’re working with? The philosophy or interests? The outcome of the work?

Whatever the answer, it can’t be too generic. We’re probably all after the same thing at some point: living a good life, knowing Truth and Beauty, understanding what it means to be human. That isn’t enough to be legible. There must be something in how we approach the core ideas that are a little more unique.

In attempting to write this, I’ve tried a number of times to write something that’d make me more legible. I still can’t nail it down. I guess it’s probably better to leave the attempts out. In the end, I’d like the work to speak for itself— wouldn’t every one? But it takes a lot to get there. Maybe I can trust the process and do the work— part of the reason for doing the work is to try and discover these feelings and thoughts that are so hard to express and understand.